In all honesty I do not where to start with this post. I feel as though it is probably good to start the from beginning, but keep it brief.
So, I been in a relationship with my first and current girlfriend for a little over six years now. We met in high-school – I was a sophomore and she was a freshmen. (keep those two details in mind)
Along our “relationship” we’ve had our normal ups and down as would normal relationship have, right? Wrong.
We’ve done nothing for most of our relationship, but fight, bicker about stupid things that make no sense, she’s broken up with me more times than I care to count, and we never see eye to eye.
Our verbal agreement to be a exclusive couple has only brought more bad than good into my life.
Of course I am sure in her own words she would say the same about me, but she’s actually said to my face all her feelings and irritations so, it’s not like I have to assume anything.
In her mind she want’s this perfect story book dream that will never come true and while I do respect and understand her romantic feelings and desires it doesn’t mean she can force me to change myself more then I have already.
For an example of our ridiculous our relationship is I’ll tell you quickly about an argument we had recently.
During her cycle she had a white back carrying green pads to the washroom. Now, I was watching anime on my tablet laying down having a nice relaxing time. When she walked back into the room the bright in white bag caught my attention, so I glance at the bag for like 0.2 seconds and went back to watching anime.
Now mind you than when something catches your eye you cannot help, but sate your curiosity and look. I did not stare forever, ask her any questions or bother her in any way whatsoever. I glanced and than continued watching anime like nothing.
For only God knows why, she seriously got angry with me and yelling at saying why am I looking at her bag? why I’m not minding my own damn business, etc.
We got into a heated argument for a whole hour about why I looked at a damn bag for 0.2 seconds. Her reasoning for my glancing at said bag were only something a person high on drugs or with a few to many lost brains cells would think up.
Now onto current events. Last night we had a three hour long conversation about marriage. I do not know why or how it started, but we both sat down like two mature adults and we both expressed our sides and dreams as far as marriage goes and how we see it playing out.
Starting with myself, I told her (to best sum it up) that I want to be well prepared and stable in my life. I do not see myself getting married anytime soon, because for one I am only 22, I barely stop being a kid (which I still feel like now). Marriage is something I would start to consider at the latest 35 because by that point I know I would have achieve most of what I wanted and would be happy to find something to be with if anything.
Now aside from that, my views on marriage are pretty loose. I do not see a need to get married for show I am truly committed or anything similar to that. I can show my love and be committed just fine without being married. Basically I would be totally happy being with someone without ever getting married.
To rap up my side. I ended by telling her “those are just my ideals. I am open to being convinced to marry sooner rather than later, but right now I just do not feel stable or ready at all.”
Now for her side of this.
She started off by saying she loves me deeply and if I was to ask her to marry me right now she would 100% say yes, She was upset that I said my ideal point to start worrying about marriage. Her ideal marriage is time based because she feels that after being together for about five to six years – the couple should start considering marriage.
She gave an example by saying that if she met somebody in college and got into her career, than the same time line would apply in that case to, but the only difference is that we aren’t at that point. (what she’s saying is to rebuttal me because I want to have my life together before I worry about marriage, but because we met in high school and my life is not like that, it should not interfere with her getting married because I am not where I want to be.)
She expressed how my love is not the same as hers and how she wants somebody who can stay on cloud nine forever and always. Always going above and beyond to show their love like a new couple that just got together basically. In other words she’s the type of girl who likes monthly anniversaries and posting each other on social media every 2 seconds.
If you are not doing that all throughout the relationship than she believes the relationship is pointless and the love is not there anymore.
Over our entire conversation we said many things and voiced many opinions. In the end she ended up denying that my love was good not good enough and that this entire relationship was pointless if I wasn’t going to marry her like in the next two years or maybe three.
I told her I love her just as strongly as she loves me, I just don’t sit on cloud nine anymore to show it. She obviously wasn’t happy with that and brushed it off. Saying if I didn’t plan on marrying her anytime soon than there was no point in us in even being together anymore.
The funny thing is we live together, so she told me word for word. “any normal person after having this conversation would pack up and leave tomorrow.”
She’s the one with her name on another lease, but always tries to kick me out when I have nowhere else to go.
She tried hyping herself up saying how she’s always working so hard and she kept this job because she know’s I have no places else to live (though she has already expressed that even if I did not resign the lease with her she keeping the apartment because she doesn’t want to go backwards and her little sister lives with is so that’s another thing.
Her little sister is 16 and is suppose to be living with her legal guardian, but she’s here because they had a disagreement or some crap about her having a job. At any rate, they both have someplace BY LAW to go back to, yet she’s always trying to guilt trip me or tell me to leave.
Friday morning she left for work and than called her sister to come in here and wake me up, so she could tell me I should pack up and leave. Somewhere in her weird head she created a words and tried to put them in my mouth.
This is what she told me “As you said yesterday the only reason why you are still in this relationship is because you have no where else to go, I feel that you should leave“
I told her I did not feel like I was ready for marriage yet, and she expressed how that means I don’t love her and am not willing to commit to her forever.
Marriage is suppose to special for both people involved. It is the connection of two souls becoming one and the expressiveness of both love and happiness among other things.
And here’s the supposed most romantic person around being just sacrificed taking papers to a court room and than walking back out “married” for her first (and hopefully only) marriage.
She’s threatening to break up with me and tried kicking me our several times because she believes what she believes and if I don’t line up with her beliefs I might as well be trash.
Her attitude and how she treats me has changed since I met her. She still only care about her way or the highway, she never thinks about what I want or feel and always ignores my dreams and desire.
She treats me like shit, tells me my love is not good enough and threatens me into homelessness if I don’t marry her sooner rather than soon.
How would I ever in my life marry somebody like that.
I told her that a man (me) needs to feel secured, like he has something better offer. I may have known you since high-school, but we were kids, the only thing I was worried about were my grades and being happy I had a girl I could kiss on. Marriage? I am not some noble from an old world anime who is a legal adult at fifteen.
I only been a legal adult for what seems like seconds and you’re telling me to start thinking about marriage when I can’t even stay in college or find a job and keep it?
I can’t even offer you help as your boyfriend. Our lives are terrible and we can’t even keep bills and rent paid off, let alone keep food in the house among other things. We get into so many fights and arguments and you always trying to break up with me and kick me out, but you want to turn this sad excuse of a man into a husband? just so you can start complaining about wanting a divorce and how things ain’t changing.
I told her all of this to her face. That she would be happy and satisfied just getting some cheap ring and going to a court room for like ten minutes? That was her idea and I was so stunned that she couldn’t see how crazy she sounded. Like all the logic is just not there and she was speaking on pure desires alone.
Before we went to sleep I told her that we were being mature and respecting each other points and ideals, which she also was surprised at how mature she was being because she’s always a big fucking cry baby and whiner when anything doesn’t go her way. (I was more surprised she actually knows she a fucking psychopath)
At any rate, I told her I was starting to lose my mature nature because once you lay everything out on the table you just start summarizing things. All I could make out from what she was telling me is “fuck you, you don’t love me, this relationship was pointless, if you don’t marry me really soon, than go marry an ally.” She didn’t once deny it, all she said was she can’t help how she feels.
I told her. ” I do not feel like a man, when a man starts considering marrying the woman he has been with, he’s looking for signs and thing about himself and his life. He steadies his mind and soul and exams himself very hard. After coming to a conclusion the man pulls in the world around me and ask himself questions, maybe even remaindering what others have said her this partner. After deciding its the next step he does what needs to be done.
Of course I know it can happen all kinds of ways, but this is the way I am most familiar with and that resides with me. I have nothing to offer her, I cant make her life better and because of my views of marriage, I most am not just gonna marry her all crazy cause she throws a fit and wants to be married. I let her take the little money I get and flip my all kinds of crazy.
I told her all she would be doing is turning her useless boyfriend into a useless husband, but it just doesn’t click with her. She also wants kids and we can’t even take care of ourselves and she just wants to be another poor black couple living off the government and taking an infant on the bus.
She’s tainted by these poor and discriminatory lifestyle and without even seeing it she’s trying to trap herself and me in this life that I’ve been begging to get out of since I was little.
I respect her wishes and desires and I know I cannot tell her she’s wrong because I know there are many people who follows shows loves and how I do things.
I told her I am not ready for marriage, and that in my both and soul when I think about, nothing clicks and says its time. I sit here chilling, playing the game and I am happy to just be doing that. I can’t image a ring on my finger and having a wife. I just want to go to school, find my walks of life and build something for myself.
I want to go to Japan, see the world, travel, have fun, and experience life the way I have always dreamed of.
Shes wants to get married by 24, start having kids sooner maybe, buy a house, and settle down doing only what she wants. all before 30 is what she says.
We both agreed that we are very different and that’s fine. I do not regret ever being with her and she feels the same. She just wants to be married, but I am not ready for that yet.
I have not told her my dreams in full about wanted to live in Japan and all that, I been having this dream long since before I knew her, but to tell her now after I let her trap in this apartment with nowhere to go would be suicide. She took my paycheck did what what she wanted with it 2 days ago and than tries to kick me out once she makes me broke.
When I leave this apartment it’s gonna be on my terms, not hers.
Why would I ever marry somebody who was so easily ready to kick me out at the drop of a hat? As her boyfriend she know’s she has freedom to do that, if I married her, it’s not that easy.
She told me I am afraid of commitment and of being alone, but I just won’t admit it. She sounded so cocky and sure of herself, like she solved a mystery of my mind or something.
I happen to know she’s just a desperate crazy bitch, who only ever gave me gray hairs, took my life from me, threw me in all kinds of debt, my me feel like less of man, never encouraged me or believed in me, threw my love and compassion back in my face whenever I showed it to her, has a few screws loose, never knew discipline so she needs her fucking shit smacked in, the list keeps going, BUT!
I don’t ever say any of that because I know I am better than that.
The truth is no, I do not have any intention of marry her, our relationship in truth, should have ended basically where it started, but for some off reason it dragged on all this time.
Yes, I love her,
Yes, I do not wish her harm or a bad life. I want for her to achieve everything she sets out to do.
Her life just does not involve me because we are not a match and we should be together at all. Why does somebody have to feel rushed or be constantly threatened into being married? If we were truly meant to be together she would be acting like that or saying those things and it would just happen naturally.
She has all right to leave and start another six year journey with another man (or woman) I hope they don’t have this conversation.
So for me, no my life is meant to go elsewhere I have big plans and being honest. The longer I stay with her the future get pushed back. My partner should not be delaying my progress in life and she’s doing just that. I am sure in some way I am doing the same to her. By not having a good job, by not becoming a man, letting her push me around instead of holding myself up like a real adult.
One thing she said to me is true though. She told me that it’s up to me to do something about it. (she meant pack up and leave, but I’ll pretend it meant something else) I need to be my own man and stop leaning on others, I need to figure out what is truly is do not know about this world and go figure it out,
Who am I on my own? what can I accomplish when I do not have others holding me back? Without expectations weighing me down?
There are these questions and more, so it’s up to me to do something. She’s has her plans all together she told me about them during the conversation and I could not help but see she really is gonna move forward and she cares not if I get left behind. Shes only worried about herself and getting me to do what she wants. I know for a fact that’s not the kind of woman I would marry. Keeping me down, but always asking me for more and when I try to give it you spit in my face.
I have to get my own life together. I can’t worry about her, just like she’s not worried about me.
Well from her own lying words, she only stays at that job for my sack, when we both know that was a lie. She loves trying t guilt trip me and it’s funny how she believes me so stupid.
At any rate that was all.
Marriage is something I am not considering. We both have our ideals, dreams, and goals. All I hope is that we both chase our goals to the fullest and makes our dreams a reality.
Truthfully it’s just not something we can do together because we only drag each other down and it’s not helping either one of us.